The Blessings of Insanity
by DarkAngus
Summary: Short story I wrote when I was in class. Don't like, don't read. EDIT: Apparently, people like this one, so I'm continuing it! :D
1. Chapter 1

INSANITY AND ITS BLESSINGS

Rico walked home from the bar that night incredibly drunk and wanting more to drink. Sadly, he had drank all the alchohol in New York City and was drunk because of it. He waddled home, occasionally vomiting up things like pizza, beer, or machine guns. As he walked home, he saw some human children stealing from a bank. They couldn't have been any older than 14.

Their eyes were red and crazy and they were shooting machine guns at the bank, stealing the money with them. Rico was watching and descided to throw a huge stick of dynamite at them. They exploded and their body parts rained from the skies as the money they stole returned to the bank.

The sun slowly rose and Rico descided to go home. However, he noticed something: the bomb he through didn't explode like other bombs he had thrown up. It exploded much more magnificently.

Rico descided that it was because he was drunk. After all, people tend to be more stronger when drunk.

From all this Rico learned one thing: The Power of Insanity allways wins.


	2. Chapter 2

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TWO

(AN: This was supposed to be a one-shot fic, really, but people REALLY seemed to like it... SO, I think I'll continue it! :D LOL, man, someone even faved this story! If you like this, you should read my other fics. I'll continue because there seems to be demand for it, but I'm sure it won't be as epic as the first chapter LOL! I'll be making more chapters to this so long as there is demand for it XD)

Rico was trying to return home, but was so drunk that he vomitted up a flamethrower and burned down an entire forest! After it was turned to ashes, all the animals huddled around Rico, ready to attack him.

Rico, if he was sober, probably would've appologized and offered to fix the forest. But instead, Rico threw up a katana and launched it at a bear who lived in that forest! The bear EXPLODED!

Then all the animals ran away, preparing to attack Rico. Rico was prepared, however, and threw up a force field and a missle launcher, destroying all possible remains of the forest or its evil animals. Rico took their bodies and made them into fur coats to show his friends back home. However, he was still drunk and couldn't make it very well, so it looked like a messy coat.

Rico then tried to waddle home again.


	3. Chapter 3

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER THREE

Still drunk, Rico tried to understand his surroundings. He must've fell asleep on his way home that he ran into a Space Shuttle. As he tried to get inside, the space shuttle started to take off! Rico cut a penguin-sized hole in the space shuttle and walked right in.

Rico looked at the earth from space and drunkenly laughed at how pretty it looked. Suddenly, the space shuttle was hit by a meteor! Rico left the space shuttle and tried to get back to Earth, but the meteor wouldn't let him leave!

Furious, Rico launched a missle from his stomach and exploded the meteor, turning it into a small meteor rock, which Rico ate.

The astronaughts jumped back down to Earth and Rico hitched a ride on one of them. Rico landed in the ocean, where he drunkenly tried to waddle home.


	4. Chapter 4

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER FOUR

Rico hiccupped, as he was so drunk. He was swimming underwater when he finally found the lost city of Atlantis. It looked like a heavenly empire, but the shark guards said, "NO PENGUINS HERE. PENGUINS ARE GOOD GUYS, WE ARE BAD."

Rico got out his triple machine gun slash ocarina and began playing it, shooting the sharks with the ocarina with three machine guns attached to it. All the shark guards who were guarding Atlantis died slowly and painlfully to the music of Rico's triple machine gun ocarina.

Rico swam into the very depths of the lost kingdom of Atlantis and met the mermaid people, who gave him a sample of their alcohol, which could make a mortal drunk for years with just a sip or two. So, of course, Rico drank it.

Suddenly, Rico went even crazier and stole all of the Mermaid Alcohol in the entire empire, and DRANK IT IN ONE GULP. The mermaids tried to fight against Rico, but Rico pulled out a double torpedo launcher from his gullet and fired it at Atlantis. Atlantis fell even further into the sea, and the rulers of Atlantis vowed to kill Rico for the crime he had commited.

Rico escaped the scene and washed on the shore of an empty desert.


	5. Chapter 5

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER FIVE

Rico was now massively drunk, and we ran into a cactus, but because he was drunk he felt UTTERLY NOTHING. Instead, he threw up a chainsaw made of diamond and cut the tree down, drinking the water inside. Which, of course, made him even more drunk.

He kept waddling in the hot sand and found the house of a crazy hobo. The hobo and Rico talked for hours about how drunk they were, and how happy they were to be drunk. The Hobo showed Rico his drunken super-strength abilities, and Rico threw up dynamite and BLEW HIS WHOLE HOUSE TO SMITHERINES.

As the pieces of the building fell, Rico and the Hobo became great friends, and the Hobo helped Rico find the way back to the Central Park Zoo.


	6. Chapter 6

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER SIX

Rico and his friend, the Hobo, were both massively drunk and began walking towards the ship port. The Hobo used to have a wife and kids in New York City, but they killed his pet dog for fun, so the Hobo left for the desert area of the world and got incredibly drunk on cactus juice. Now, he'll return with Rico and take his revenge.

Rico was on his new friend's shoulder and payed the shipmaster to get on the boat, but Rico didn't have enough money.

So Rico got out a seven-foot laser katana and sliced the shipmaster's head of with the power of laser, killing him and the ship's crew happily because they were evil.

The Hobo lifted up the ship and threw it into the water as Rico took the wheel, preparing to drive the boat to the Central Park Zoo.


	7. Chapter 7

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER SEVEN

Rico and the Hobo drove the ship until they came across a massive pirate ship, the size of a mountain! The pirates caught the small boat in their tractor beam and caught them in their ship.

Suddenly, a million pirates tried to attack Rico and the Hobo, but Rico threw up a missle launcher and a flamethrower, giving the flamethrower to the Hobo and taking the missle launcher to himself. The pirates tried to shoot Rico and the Hobo, but they were TOO DRUNK to be harmed by simple little weapons such as those! The blood and gore of a million pirates was swallowed up by Rico and the Hobo, as the blood rained down like an angelic rain of BLOOD!

Rico then ran to the top and saw the Captain standing there, waiting for Rico and the Hobo. He smiled evilly at them, as if he knew the outcome of this battle.

The Hobo ran up to him, but was pushed aside by his mighty hand. Rico desired to avenge his friend, but then the Captain pulled out a gun, ready to shoot. Rico jumped in front of the gun and kicked it, turning it around as the Captain was about to shoot. The bullet went through the Captain's head, leaving plenty of unused brains lying across the floor.

The Hobo got up and stole the Captain's drink supply, getting even more drunk then before. The two friends had defeated a great foe and gained control of another ship, ready to sail it further.


	8. Chapter 8

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER EIGHT

Rico and the Hobo drove their new Pirate Ship (albeit drunkenly) into a huge mountain. How they had gotten here, they never found out. They jumped off the pirate ship to find that the mountain was covered in a forest. Suddenly, fifty animals came from the forest and surrounded Rico and the Hobo.

These were the same animals that Rico had killed back in Chapter 2! How did they survive, Rico wondered.

The Animal Army were wielding high-tech weapons like laser axes and blasters from Star Wars, preparing to kill Rico. They didn't care about the Hobo at first, but the Hobo said he was Rico's friend.

Rico threw up a pair of jackhammers and threw them at the animals, killing ten squirrels and exploding many other animals. The Hobo used his flamethrower and burned down the whole mountain, turning it into ashes!

The Animal Army surrendered and the surviving five vowed to be Rico and the Hobo's minions. They all got into their Pirate Ship and continued their quest home.


	9. Chapter 9

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER NINE

Rico, the Hobo, and their new army jumped on board their ship, getting ready to move on. The ship, as I said before, was the size of a mountain, so all the animals could have their own rooms and more.

The sun was burning hot that day when suddenly, a meteor hit the ship's deck! Rico and the Hobo went over to the meteor when suddenly, the meteor grew arms and legs and began attacking them! The Meteor Monster told them that he was the older brother of the Meteor that Rico killed when he was in SPACE! And now he wanted revenge!

Rico threw dynamite at it, but it was still alive! Then the Hobo used a flame thrower, but it only melted a little bit!

Then Rico and the Hobo tried to lift the Meteor Monster... and it worked! They threw the meteor back into outer space with the sheer power of their drunkenness!

So the Pirate Ship moved on to a new land, where they could see a volcano in the distance.


	10. Chapter 10

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TEN

Rico and the Hobo got off their ship with their army of ten animals, and were now on an island with a giant volcano in the center. They were walking toward it because now all of them were drunk.

They were at the volcano's base when suddenly, savage cannibalistic natives attacked! They were wielding magic lightning spears and explosive skull bombs, and their leader was wielding a pitchfork made of the eyes of a million zombies and the breath of dragons MADE SOLID.

Rico tried using machine guns, chainsaws, and explosives on them, but they were using DARK MAGIC and were now invincible! So Rico had another idea: he would eat them!

But how would he do that? he thought. He threw up a huge camera and flashed them with it, making them go terribly blind! While they were distracted, Rico swallowed the entire cannibal army whole.

But their leader was still there! He, however, was so scared of Rico's mighty drunkenness that he ran away into a tropical rainforest.


	11. Chapter 11

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Rico, the Hobo, and their army began climbing the tall, mighty mountain. Their eyes turned skyward as the drunken twelve climbed. Rico climbed the fastest because he was the most powerful and drunk.

The rocks began to shake as the volcano shook mightily. The top of the legendary volcano was almost there, and Rico could almost taste that lava.

Finally, they were at the top of the mountain, when they saw five 14-year-old kids with upgraded machine guns.

Rico recognized them, and wondered who they were. Then he remembered that they were the kids who were robbing that bank!

"WE HAVE RETURNED, RICO!" they said in unison. "WE HAVE BEEN SENT BY OUR MASTER TO KILL THEE. THOU ART DEAD MEAT, FOOLISH ONE!"

They fired their machine guns but Rico dodged each one of them! The Hobo did too, but two of the army members were shot. The bear in the army punched one kid off the cliff into the volcano, and the rabbits who were shot survived and used their kung fu abilities to kill three of them!

Then Rico used his triple machine gun ocarina to kill the remaining boy, whose last words were, "I'LL BE BACK! YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, RICO!"

Suddenly, the volcano began shaking even harder and was about to erupt!


	12. Chapter 12

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TWELVE

The volcano was shaking violently and the drunken team ran down the gigantic volcano, desperate to stay alive. Rico's drunkenness allowed him to stay alive and not get burned.

The lava chased after them before forming SEVENTY TWO THOUSAND LAVA MONSTERS! The Lava Monsters were about to kill the drunken army, but they got onto the pirate ship just in time. The Lava Monsters jumped onto the ship and began burning it, but Rico was in his cabin, drinking with the Hobo.

Rico was so drunk that he accidently threw some beer out the window, and it got into a Lava Monster's mouth! The Lava Monster immediately became drunk and fused with his seventy-one friends, becoming a GIANT LAVA MONSTER!

The animals fired cannonballs at the GIANT DRUNKEN LAVA MONSTER, but he still remained alive! They escaped, but the LAVA MONSTER vowed its drunken revenge...


	13. Chapter 13

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

(AN: Hey fans! :D Guess what? I just found out that my "EarthBound: My Version" just got its own TvTropes page! Finally! I won't read it, though (It was my first fic and it's probably got tons of critisism about it), but I encourage everyone to read it! :D)

Rico, the Hobo, and their army of ten animals were inside of their boat, quickly sailing away from the GIANT LAVA MONSTER. However, all of them were drunk, so it was hard to steer. The skies slowly became dark and nighttime fell.

Suddenly, the huge pirate ship landed on an island in the middle of the ocean. Rico and the Hobo got off while the animals stayed.

There was a cottage on the island, and the two went inside to find a black-robed ninja wizard! He was wearing a wizard robe and hat, and was reading a ninja spellbook the size of seven grown men!

Suddenly, he turned around and threw six burning, black shurikens at Rico and the Hobo.

"Rico, I am the Resurrector, the revivor of great evils! I revive evil things and bring inanimate objects to life to kill you, Rico! Your stomach is an infinite storage device! If i had that, I could CONTROL THE WORLD! Now, you will DIE!" He shot lightning from his fingers and it hit the Hobo!

The Hobo was knocked out, but not dead. Rico laughed, but then a white portal appeared under Rico!

"NO! the wizard shouted! "You cannot escape!"

But Rico did escape, and he appeared somewhere else.


	14. Chapter 14

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Rico woke up and was still incredibly drunk. He looked around and saw that he was in THE PAST! The trees looked like ancient trees from millions of years ago and millions of T-Rexes came and tried to kill Rico! Rico threw up a pair of FLAMING GUNS and proceded to SHOOT THE HE*L out of the dinosaurs!

The Dinosaurs slowly died and Rico ate thier flesh! Suddenly, the King of the T-Rexes Attacked Rico!

Rico tried to shoot at it, but it was bulletproof! Then he tried to throw explosives at it, but it was explosionproof! Then he tried to stab it with a knife, but it was knifeproof too!

In any other situation, Rico would've ran away... but he was DRUNK! So he FREAKING ATE THE KING OF THE TYRANNOSAURASES!


	15. Chapter 15

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Rico was now DRUNK ON T-REX BLOOD and running through the forest on high speed, trampling dinosaurs and even making love to some of them!

Suddenly, another portal appeared beneath him, and he appeared in a midevil kingdom, with dragons and knights!

King Arthur came up to Rico and tried to EAT HIM, but Rico pulled out a lightsaber to kill him with! Then King Arthur pulled out a lightsaber to kill Rico with!

The two battled with lightsabers for years when suddenly, Rico threw a STICK OF FREAKING DYNAMYTE at King Arthur's face! It was a CRITICAL HIT!

King Arthur died, and the Kingdom of Camalot prospered for it. They showered Rico with jems, crowns, money, and of course, ANCIENT BEER!

Suddenly, another portal opened under Rico!


	16. Chapter 16

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER SIXTEENN

Rico was now DRUNK ON ANCIENT BEER, and woke up in a CITY MADE OF LEGOS! But Rico hated LEGOs, and thought they were a force to be recconed with. Actually, he just thought they were stupid, so he BLEW UP THE WHOLE CITY! The Lego people died slow and painful deaths, and Rico laughed as they did. (AN: Because LEGO is a dumb company LOL.)

The penguins who were trapped underneath the evil legos thanked Rico and gave him their LEGO WINE! (IT's wine mixed with melted legos and the blood of legos). Rico laughed as he got drunk on this wine!

Suddenly, another portal opened underneath Rico and he fell through, waking up somewhere new.


	17. Chapter 17

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER SIXTEENN

Rico was now drunk on LEGO BLOOD WINE, and woke up in a GHOST TOWN, where ghostly pirates and cowboys were fighting and re-killing each other! So Rico threw up a ghost-killing sword made of fire and rock and roll music and killed the chief of police in that ghost town!

Then all the Cowboys tried to kill Rico, but the bullets went right through him and he was unharmed. Why? BECAUSE HE'S DRUNK!

Suddenly, RICO threw up a ghost-killing bomb and DESTROYED THE ENTIRE GHOST TOWN! All the ghosts who were evil went to Heaven and all the ones who were good went to Hell.

Rico laughed at the ethereal carnage! He took their ectoplasm and made BEER out of it! :D

Rico drank the beer and became ULTRA HIGH!


	18. Chapter 18

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Rico was now drunk on ECTOPLASM BEER, and was running through the ruined ghost world, laughing like a madman! Suddenly, a portal appeared underneath him and he appeared ON THE DEATH STAR! The Jedi were fighting the Sith and Rico joined the Sith because he was SUPER DRUNK!

Rico used a five-sided lightsaber in one flipper and a six-way blaster in the other. He was shoot the Jedi and crushed their bones! He realized the one he killed was Anakin Skywalker! He crushed his bones and made JEDI BONE CRACK out of it!

Now that Anakin was dead, the world would never have to be tormented by Darth Vader! Rico saved the entire Galaxy!

For his help in saving the galaxy, the Jedi/Sith council gave Rico ANAKIN BLOOD BEER, which he mixed with his Jedi Bone Crack and made FORCE LIGHTNING INSTANT DRUNK FLUID! Rico was now immediately drunk!


	19. Chapter 19

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER NINETEEN!

Rico was now AMAZINGLY HIGH on SUPER JEDI FORCE LIGHTNING INSTANT DRUNK BEER, and was blowing up the Death Star like it was a stick of dynamite! After doing so seven times, the portal appeared beneath him! He fell in instantly and appeared in an Underwater Prison, where he was trapped by the mermaids who had given him super-drunk stuff! They apparently made more since he had drank all of it.

They were stabbing him with pitchforks and shooting him with guns, but because he was drunk he felt NOTHING AT ALL!

But Rico couldn't escape! Suddenly, there was a huge earthquake and flame came out of the ground! All the mermaids' "Eternally-drunk Beer" came back into Rico's mouth and he was even more drunk than before!

Out of the fire in the Earthquake came the most powerful face Rico had ever seen! It was... THE DEVIL HIMSELF!


	20. Chapter 20

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TWENTY!

Rico woke up in a luxury hotel in HELL, where Satan was congradulating him on his success in the field of drunkenness. He gave him a Beer Badge of Honor and told him how to take over the world with BEER! Then Satan gave Rico a new name: Drinco! (However, he will be called Rico for the rest of the book).

Rico thanked Him for everything He had done, and disappeared to another part of the world, where the Hobo was. The Hobo and Rico became great friends again and were glad to see each other again!

(AN: Hey guys! Thanks for supporting me for TWENTY CHAPTERS! :D So, I think this is good enough to put on TvTropes, don't you think? Can someone do that for me? I was banned from TvTropes 2 years ago for unknown reasons, so if someone could do that, I'd be very greatful!:D)


	21. Chapter 21

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE!

Rico and the Hobo got out 52-foot lightsabers and began to kill the Wizard with them, but the wizard used FORCE FIELD MAGIC to throw them miles away and poison them! While they were distracted, the Resurrector Wizard began drinking BEER! Suddenly, he became MASSIVELY GIANT and threw nuclear missles at Rico and the Hobo, watching their dying bodies die!

Rico, however, had drank so much that he was invincible to NUCLEAR RADIATION! Rico ran up to the wizard and karate-kicked him in the mouth, causing him to fall to the ground and cause a massive earthquake, destroying half the planet! The Wizard continuted to drink BEER and he became larger and more powerful!

The Hobo's body was slowly fading away, the ground being stained with his blood. In his drunken RAGE OF TERROR, Rico ATE THE HOBO!


	22. Chapter 22

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO!

The Hobo's drunken body helped RICO gain his full POTENTIAL, as RICO launched up into the air, preparing to launch all the missles in the world from his drunken body! The ground shattered like glass as he regurgitated MILLIONS OF NUCLEAR MISSLES AT THE RESURRECTION WIZARD!

The power of Satan seemed to strengthen Rico, and he launched missles from his stomach that covered the heavens themselves. They all exploded on the Wizard for his crimes, and he called upon the power of God to save him! Suddenly, the skies began to shake, and JESUS GAVE THE WIZARD EVIL POWERS!


	23. Chapter 23

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE!

The Hobo had went to Hell because Satan loved him, and they had CRAZY DEMON SEX!

Meanwhile, Rico was floating in the atmosphere fighting the million mile high RESURRECTION WIZARD IN THE SKY! The Wizard cast apocalypse spells on the earth and caused it to shake and die! Rico vomited a bomb and BLEW UP THE SOLAR SYSTEM!

The Power of Jesus was on the RESURRECTION WIZARD, and the power of SATAN WAS ON RICO! The Resurrection Wizard was a XTIAN, GIVING POWER TO RICO'S ENEMIES AND MAKING THEM EVIL, JUST LIKE CHRSTANS!

RICO STABBED THE RESURRECTION WIZARD IN THE HEART WITH A BOMB AND HE EXPLODED, BUT WAS STILL OK!

THE RESURRECTION WIZARD GAVE RICO AN UPPERCUT, but Rico FELT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

SUDDENLY, THE SUN BEGAN SUCKING THE TWO ENEMIES INTO THE SUN, AND THE BATTLE ON THE SUN BEGAN!


	24. Chapter 24

THE BLESSINGS OF INSANITY

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE!

Rico was incredibly drunk, and the power of Satan made him even more drunk. Whenever someone is drunk, their power level increses greatly. If you drink enough alcohol, and become INCREDIBLY DRUNK...

...you can become a GOD.

RICO WAS NOW A GOD! RICO WAS FIGHTING THE RESURRECTION WIZARD ON THE SUN, using the fire of the sun to burn the RESURRECTION WIZARD and making his drunkenness FADE AWAY.

"JESUS WILL KILL YOU, IDIOT!" the Resurrection Wizard's last words were.

And then the idiot died.

Rico ate the sun and suddenly ascended to Olympus in Hell, where the Devil granted him a throne. "You are the First," Satan said. "The first of twenty four Chosen Ones, chosen by me."

Satan told him to sit down on the throne which said "Drinko, the Drunken Penguin, First of the Chosen Ones."

"You will awake when it is time to destroy the PRIME DIMENSION," He said. Rico then fell asleep on the throne, to awake at the appointed time.

FIN.


End file.
